Yours Truly, A Lover Girl.
100% or nothing!
Hey Royal, what's good?
"To love is to suffer" is a line that often rings in my head.
No, this is not a heartbreak post. I just felt like starting with that line from the 1975 film Love and Death, and why not?
You know, love has been described in a lot of ways and as a lot of things. And if I were to draw a conclusion from my experiences (at this age), I would say that to love has nothing to do with suffering.
Love, from my perspective, is a gift that we first receive without knowing what to do with it, and then give it back until we lose our childlike innocence.
And, this reminds me of Christabel - my neighbor's daughter. I met her at three months old when she had absolutely no words to say and no ways to show love. But I loved, and still love, her even now that she is grown.
As a baby, she could only feel my love. But as a toddler, she reciprocated by crawling up to my door and banging until I opened. She'd smile at me, lay on my chest, and scatter my room. All these because she loved me, and it made her happy to be with me.
When Christabel started speaking, she'd return my "I love you" with "I love you" because "too" was not in her vocabulary, and there was absolutely no need for it. There’s a gallery full of videos to prove this.
Yet, as a grown-up, "too" has caused some ridiculous issues in my 'beyond platonic' relationships. You may have had one of those moments when the other person wants to hear “I love you too” but you omit the too and then, bombastic side eye.
If this were a voice recording, I would have lengthy pauses and probably stammer as I put this together because a part of me can almost not believe that in three days' time, I would have been in a relationship for two whole years, and even so, for the first time ever.
Oh. My. God!
For someone with long-lasting friendships, I almost thought at some point that I was unlucky with the opposite gender and I might end up without a life partner.
My last relationship almost got this far, but it eventually did not make it. However, it broke my previous jinx of not being in a relationship for up to twelve months, even though we had a handful of breakups while at it.
So, yeah. Two years is a big deal.
I am quite a spontaneous person in almost every area of my life, and one thing that stands out for this particular relationship is the amount of intentionality that I have put in from the start. I could hardly believe that I wasn't winging any moment of it. I was conscious, involved, willing, not undecided. I just knew.
So, I am not in any way surprised that we have come this far. If anything, I am excited and grateful that it's all working out because the plan was to stick together all along.
In my previous relationships, I used to say that I am a 100 or nothing person. As a huge lover girl that I am, I do not do halves. Don't bring 50 to me because I am giving you 100% of me.
It took me so long to see the yin and yang of that side of me.
When I gave 100, I never took it back. Hurt and pained as I may be, I still had so much grace and compassion to make up for the scars and the pain.
Stockholm syndrome? Not at all. So, am I in love with so many people at the same time? No! That would make my opening statement true.
However, over the last two years, I have figured out that the only way I could raise the bar (since I have chosen to do life with YBoC) was to out-love any previous experience I have ever had. It was not easy because, unknown to YBoC (a.k.a Yummiest Bar of Chocolate), some things, some moments, some events were absolutely nostalgic and had roots in the past.
Yet, instead of beating myself up as to why I remember or why the memories still make me smile, I chose to extend some grace and compassion to myself and accepted that the roads that led me up to this point were paved for a reason.
I am who I am because of my experiences, even if they are draped in silly decisions, stupid mistakes, or pure naivety. They are all mine. My strengths and weaknesses, my pains and gains.
And it wasn't until that point that I let myself truly be free to enjoy my union.
Side note: I honestly cannot wait to be married to this young man who fills my fantasies with a swarm of purple butterflies.
Let me wrap this up with a few things that I have learned in 24 months of being in a relationship with no iota of drama.
You cannot love the idea of a person. What you are seeing is what you have gotten.
Trust can be there from the start, but it will take time to solidify.
Your partner is not (or shouldn't be) your enemy. Always remember that before you make conclusions.
Fighting problems together as opposed to fighting each other will aid faster resolution.
Talk to your partner and listen to them too.
You cannot go wrong with asking for clarification (I'm still learning this one because sometimes asking me a thing twice or more makes me snap).
Love languages change. Pay attention.
Be supportive and learn how to be critical.
Your partner should never have to worry about your love for them.
Bother your partner. It's part of the package.
That's all I can think of right now. I would have loved to include references for each item on this list but nahhhh. But, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me.
Also, if you have any tips or words for me/us as we continue on this love journey, feel free to let me know, and I will be more than delighted to hear from you.
Till the next Chronicle,
Stay Royal while I head over to YBoC's to bleat and bother him. Yes, I bleat. 😂😂😂
Your YBoC is such a lucky man, and you are an amazing woman.